Gabriel turns Two: Happy Birthday Sweet Boy

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Storms Lifting

Storms cry out their cloudy, thundery sobs and eventually there is no more water to pour out onto the earth. At least until evaporation recycles the moisture for the next cleansing cry of water from the sky.

A lull as settled on my soul. I'm doing better. Calmer, happier...still a little unsettled and windy, untrusting and glum in some sideroom of my heart, but moving into the day after the storm, as waves slowly crest, a little gentler with each tide.

A temporary resolution with my mother; no miracle. None expected. I know she loves me, and what is possible with that love is unknown. My inner moorings need to find their way through letting go of expectations, of knowing I don't control the ocean or the orbit of the earth around the sun, or the pull of the moon and heat and unfettered impulses on my mother. None of it is mine. What can I cling to? Only the Nothing that is God's whole love wrapped around the world and carrying all its hopes and pain and wonder. For me, this is what it means to trust.

Some books came in the mail today; I buy books instead of getting my nails done. Skimming is almost as good snacking, though the two go best together. I've read three pages of Zen Among the Magnolias, and four from How (Not) To Speak of God.


ktismatics said...

I liked your comment about God's violence on Open Source Theology -- the idea that God wasn't wielding his wrath against lawlessness but against idolatry. An excellent theological point. Peter Wilkinson is an excellent debater on that site, and I thought your point was an excellent riposte.

Jemila Monroe said...

Thanks ktismatics,

I sort of found it frustrating that Peter and Paul seemed to be having a private debate in a public sphere and failed to respond to the points of other contributers to the conversation (ie, in this case me!) I wondered if it was because I don't tend to couch my arguments in lots of nerdy references and jargon, or because I'm a girl or some other reason...any thoughts or reflections?

ktismatics said...

Lack of nerdy references and girlness both have something to do with it, I suspect. I think there's also something of a swordfighter ethos: somebody posts an opinion, somebody else stakes out an opposing position, and everybody else kind of chimes in with secondary support for one side or the other. I'd say your comment lent support to Paul's position, and it was so recognized. Paul, by the way, seemed to develop coherence and strength once a couple other people seemed to be on his side. You were one of them.

Though it's an "emerging" site, it mostly seems to debate variants on orthodox protestant theology. Some of it seems over the top and pointless, like that Virgil dude; a lot of it is civilized yet sort of ruthless. You've got to be in the mood for that sort of thing. But I suspect a lot of people agreed with me: your comment was excellent.