Gabriel turns Two: Happy Birthday Sweet Boy

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Looking in the mirror

It is one of the ironies that we attract people who cause us to deal with ourselves. And I do think that when Jesus said, "Love your enemies," it would have been helpful if he had mentioned that a prerequisite to loving Other Enemies is learning to accept and love the enemy within, because we are all so alone and desperate and we act and feel out of this place, and that's how we make enemies of ourselves and one another. Then we see it in someone else -- a co-worker, a nanny, a spouse, a child or sibling, and we when we witness that desperate way of living based on fear or need of one kind or another, we want to kill that part of ourself we see in them, whichc means we get wacko, and wammo, you're left with a cat fight, homeland security, marital breakdown or isolation at best (or worst.)

My au pair is awfully like me. And I mean, certain parts of my self which I find awful, I see in her. We also look like sisters and are quite similar in a number of neutral and beautiful ways. I am having a problem with her, and it's like as bad fighting with my husband -- maybe worse. How do I deal with the part of myself I see in her? How do I deal with her, knowing she is not me, and can't be expected to respond to whatever I do in the way I (or any of my inner parts) would respond?


Happy said...

Wow, Jemila - that's a tough situation. I think it's incredible that you already have enough distance from the situation to see it as clearly as you do... I will be praying for you, as someone who knows that whole nanny/boss dynamic all to well. Let me know if there's anything I can do beyond prayer - "listening" (via email) or advice...

Trust God for the good to win out. All will be well.


Jemila Kwon said...

thanks happy! I so appreciate you :) I would love to any wisdom you've distilled about how to have a professional relationship with someone who is an intimate part of your and your children's life. I think in my situation it also is tough because I am only three years older than my au pair. I think we are going to have to get a new one, and I would like to be more informed and have a clear outlook on how to build a different foundation. I think I tried to treat her as a friend first and a professional second, and I think maybe in the future I will start with establishing a professional relationship first. I would love any wisdom on how to do this...

My email is jemilakmonroe@yahoo.com

Thanks a million!

Happy said...

Hey, Jemila! sorry for the delay - I'm in Germany at a conference, and I didn't check back in on your blog till today. I will try to find a few minutes this afternoon to write - and if not, within the next couple of days for sure. Hopefully the stories I can tell will help. I've worked for a number of different sorts of families.

Peace be with you, my sister.
Love, Happy

Happy said...

Hi, Jemila! I just wanted to make sure you got the email I sent you this week, if you didn´t, let me know, and I will resend it! :)