Birth Preparation: A Poem

Anticipation

The Birth Kit's arrived
We've collected most items we'll need for her arrival
I've spent hundreds of dollars on picture frames and rearranged my decorations in a flurry of nesting
I've even dusted my dresser
Tomorrow her crib arrives
And Nika reads the birth book, ooing and awwing over the picture where the baby's head is peeking out of the naked Mama
Gabriel plays peekaboo with my belly
And David puts together a bookshelf for me, high enough to keep postpartum snacks out of toddler's reach
I've gone to prenatal yoga and therapy
Said my prayers
Opened a little more to
Space
Time
God

I brought some childhood pictures down from the attic and let them join my family
I practice breathing
Occasionally I remember to do kegals
And now I wait
Anticipation enjoyable, mostly
Eager to meet her, hold her close and whisper I love you
Dreading the soreness and fatigue, the days and needs blending
Enchanted, in-love, longing to know her;
A friendship that will cost me, transform me, draw me closer to God
To myself

My children my gift, my price, my spiritual fire
Burning away what's false or not useful
Purifying my heart
Lighting my life
Giving light to my spirit

I surrender my expectations, at least in theory
And loving her, I wait for her to come
Shatter everything
Til the Great Letting Go
Anticipating
Love
Participating Love
I give
I am
She is
God IS
Love

I wait
In
Anticipation